Chello World!
I wish I could say that I really feel as cheery as the greeting was, but I cannot. I don't know what has gone on. Things have been so AWESOME these past two weeks! I have been really excited about what has been taking place in my life and the blessing that the good Lord has bestowed upon me. Today, however, I just been having a feeling that I can't shake. I have been feelinig like I'm lost again. Like I have no direction but I have this urgent sense of "I gotta do something". Let me explain a little more so you get a full understanding.
Ok so. I have been having this ongoing battle in my mind of what it is I should be doing with myself. Yes, I've been praying and all and I do have faith that He has a great plan for me and it will be made plain to me. But there is part of the issue. I have these little "epiphanies" of what it is I should be doing. But is it God telling me to do this or just a coincidence that I'm taking more than serious than I should. For example, the other day, out the blue I spoke with one of my favorite teachers in high school. I was telling her about not really knowing what to do with myself and how to proceed on. I told her that I thought about teaching and she was telling me that it would be good to do and thinks I would be a great at it. So, like the sun shining from behind the clouds, I get this great idea (again. this is not the first time I have thought this) to be a teacher. So I have it in my mind that I am just going to go with teaching and do what I gotta do so that I can teach.
Yeah!
That's it!
Teach!
Woo hoo!
Woo hoo.
woo hoo.
woo hoo?
Wait, why the heck am I so happy to freakin' teach?
So I sat and thought. The good about it is: I get to help enrich young lives and mold young minds, I get to talk (which I love), I get my summer and holidays off (so awesome), the start pay is pretty good. The bad: not all kids want to be enriched or molded, I would need to go back to school for another two years or so, some places are cutting back on teachers. The ugly: kids can just be plain evil.
But then I sat and thought again "Lady, are you really debating about teaching or is the problem something else?" I been going through this same battle with nursing, journalism, and human resources. But the main thoughts have been teaching and nursing. I don't know what I should be doing or where I should be going.
Now I was doing really good lately. Not concerning myself with all that. Just taking it one day at a time and going where the wind blows me (*pause*). Having the thought of "if its for me to do something, it will just happen".
A question came up last night at my part time job orientation. "What are your future goals? What do you plan to do in the next 5 years or so?" As all the young ones went through saying how they just want to go to college and become a lawyer or fashion designer, I thought "Um, so, what do I wanna do in the next five years? Heck, what do I wanna do when I get out of here in the next hour?" Thus my thoughts and feelings this morning.
sigh.
So this is where I am. What do I do? A part of me wants to just go with the teaching idea and see what happens. A part of me is saying to just sit still and keep doing what I'm doing. A part of me just wants to go all the way to the left, move and find a job doing whatever. A part of me is still saying to go home and figure it out from there.
Hmmmm.....
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